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Jizz
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If a woman has sex with a hundred men...... She is a considered a slut. If a man does the same thing, he is gay.
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COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. "polargeists" [very sad robot noises]
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How do you confuse a blind person? Toss them a basketball and ask them to read it.
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Hey, is your name Paul Revere? Because I want to give you a midnight ride!
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I got tasered by a female cop the other night.. never have I laid eyes upon a more stunning beauty.
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My toilet stopped working today. He decided he's had enough of my shit
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"honey don't you think you're treating one of our kids unfairly?" "who? Tim, Felix or the fat one?"
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There's a black man in my family tree... He's been hanging there for a while now.
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If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it's that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good.
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I wonder if Bruce Wayne ever wears a Batman t-shirt.
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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot, you assholes.
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Its poor! But, What happens when Supper stars fart in public? lol
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Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
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212xc212xc1
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sdfsdfwe
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How to keep the flies off the bride at an Italian wedding Keep a bucket of shit next to her
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woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical.
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*nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs
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What's the worse thing to do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet
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How do I know when your sister's on her period..... Your dad's dick taste like blood
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A Spanish magician announced that for his final trick, he would vanish into thin air. He counted down: uno, dos, then POOF! He was gone, without a tres.
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How to get a job... Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?" Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes" Interviewer: "Oh, why's that?" Interviewee: "I never make any"
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You know what the definition of "competitive" is? Finishing first *and* third in a circlejerk.
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They just found a Black guy hanging from a tree with 79 stab wounds in Alabama.... The police say it's the worst case of suicide they've ever seen
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What's the sharpest thing in the word? A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.
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An infectious disease enters a bar... the bartender says,"we dont serve your kind here". The disease replies, "well you're not a very good host!"
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Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.
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The Presidential Debate We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're hoping Trump isn't
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I feel quite light today. Pounds aren't what they used to be.
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What was the name of Paul Revere's favorite porno mag? The British are Coming
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Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn't really make sense... You could say it was a vague rant.
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What did the gay guy say to his lover when they were going on vacation? "Hey, can you help me pack my shit?"
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Have you ever seen those "Give a penny, take a penny" things at convenience stores??? that makes no cents
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Dear lord, I thank you for these noodles I am about to eat. Ramen.
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Anyone want to hear my Human Centipede joke? Nah, I won't tell you it. It sucks ass.
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What do golfers do on nights out? **par**ty.
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My new cooking show, "Will Sasso Cooks With His Exposed Dick Really Close to the Food" premieres tonight (8/7 Central) in my mind. Be there!
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Difference between priest and acne? What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face.
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What do you call a blonde in a BMW? Optional.
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How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout "Heroes in a half shell." 3) When a girl yells back "Turtle Power," marry her.
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I once was bored so I decided to eat a clock to *pass the time*. It was very *time consuming*. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk
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T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.
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What is the greatest intermolecular force of all time? Dipole, dipole, dipole, dipole, and dipole!
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How to get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve...
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Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and a religious fanatic to bomb the seat of governmental power.
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My best friend and I were comparing our penises... for who has the biggest. It ended in a tie.
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I tried googling Wiz Khalifa ... But all I found was MIa Khalifa peeing .
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What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love? "It's a Moray."
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Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life.
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Browsing this sub is like mining in a cave Full of bat shit and I mostly get the same things over again, but it's worth the occasional gold I find.
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I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.
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What did the hillbilly say to his sister after she asked him to have sex with her? If you incest.
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What is the favorite food joint of dubstep makers? Sub-WUB-WUB-WUB-way
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My inspiration for jokes is like a guy at a brothel... It comes and goes... It also occasionally sucks ;)
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I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves... They're conceded
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*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people
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Coworker: Stop Me: collaborate and listen Coworker: Don't Me: you forget about me Coworker: Hey! Me: teacher, leave them kids alone
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I found where my mom hid the scissors, so everyone in my house woke up with a new haircut this morning.
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